crazy enough to live a little
by black.k.kat
Summary: Konoha is an experience, and that's just about the politest way Ine can phrase it.


Title is from Criss Jami's Venus in Arms: "To be heroic is to be courageous enough to die for something; to be inspirational is to be crazy enough to live a little."

* * *

Konoha is weird. Ine was more or less resigned to that fact the moment she accepted Suna's infiltration mission, because it paid well and it's not as if Frost Country is contracted by other shinobi villages more than once every decade or so. Better to take the job, even if the smaller villages try to stay out of brewing wars.

Still, Konoha is an experience, and that's just about the politest way she can phrase it. From the massive stone faces of the last three Hokage staring down on the village at all times—and does _no one_ find that even a _little_ creepy? Ine does. Ine is _extraordinarily_ creeped out—to the way the _Kyuubi jinchuuriki_ is more or less _an actual fox in a woman's body_ given her constant pranks but no one seems to notice or care, everything is about four degrees off normal, and it's constantly putting her on edge. How do they _live_ like this?

She's still fuming when she stalks into the ramen stall where she's managed to secure a job. There was a white-haired old _geezer_ spying on the women's baths, and while all the occupants were enraged, they also treated it like it was a _usual_ thing. Ine was the one to knock him out with a bucket to the face, and only just managed to pass it off as a civilian's better-than-normal rage-fueled aim instead of a kunoichi's practiced accuracy. If her cover gets blown because of a damn _peeping tom_ that no one's done anything about—

"That was a nice shot, Ine-chan," the young ramen cook, Teuchi, tells her cheerfully as she ties her apron on. "Good for you."

The _gossip_ in this village. Ine has never encountered a faster or more accurate grapevine, either, and it's a little scary. Almost enough to make her look twice at all those happy little housewives in the market. She's heard that a couple of them used to be amazing kunoichi, and she'd turned up her nose at their change in occupation, but _what if_ —

Somewhere distant, there's a loud crack and a burst of yellow light. A shockwave rolls over the village, rattling the china in the stand, and Ine yelps as the ground lurches under her and has to grab onto the edge of the counter to keep on her feet.

As the dust that's been raised starts to settle back into the street and people begin to pick themselves up, a lazy alarm bell starts tolling somewhere. Ine feels her heart kick into double-time and leans out of the kitchen, trying to peer towards the walls. "What is that? Are we under attack?" Not that she'd expect Suna to warn her if they _were_ going to try something—spies, especially those contracted from other villages, are not to be trusted and always expendable—but a little advance notice would have been _nice_.

Shinobi aren't nice. That Konoha shinobi insist on pretending they are is one of the strangest goddamn things about them.

However, to her vast surprise, Teuchi just starts laughing, straightening the equipment above his work station. "I'd forgotten you're still new here, Ine-chan. No, don't worry, that's just a jutsu-gone-wrong bell. You might want to avoid the source for a little while, though—last time this happened the entire Administration building kept repeating the same hour over again until Minato could fix what he'd done."

Minato. As in _Namikaze_ Minato, the most promising of the Hokage candidates, with a penchant for using time-space jutsus and being a genius with seals. Oh god. Maybe this mission isn't actually worth the pay after all.

And this has happened enough that there's a _bell_ for it?

Scratch that, it's _definitely_ not worth the pay.

"Of course," Teuchi continues, faintly thoughtful, "it's not nearly as bad as the Nidaime, or even Sarutobi-sama when he was younger. My mother used to tell us about that time Tobirama accidentally raised an entire graveyard from the dead. Or when Sarutobi-sama tweaked a summoning too much and every monkey in Fire Country ended up in the village. Oh! And Kushina-chan once opened a portal to another dimension in Training Ground 44. A lot of the shinobi say that's why it's so dangerous to go in there."

Training Ground 44, cheerfully nicknamed "The Forest of Death". Ine hates Konoha. She hates it _so much_.

"Minato! What were you thinking? I _told_ you that seal was experimental, you brainless blond pretty boy!"

"Ow ow ow, Kushina, please, that hurts, can you let go—"

"No! I am dragging both of you back so you can _fix this,_ idiot!"

Ine stares incredulously at the trio passing the front of the shop. Uzumaki Kushina, clad in a dusty jounin uniform and wearing a truly ferocious scowl, hands gripping...

Namikaze Minato. Only double. And judging by the way Kushina keeps shaking them both by the ear, neither of them are clones.

"Kushina!" the pair protest in stereo.

"Shut up, ditz-boy! And you, the eighteen-year-old version! Don't you dare try this when you get back! I'll _murder_ you!"

The slightly shorter version, wearing civilian clothes rather than a uniform, winces and looks at his older double. Skilled as she is at reading lips, Ine very clearly sees him mouth "Good luck and don't die."

Apparently, judging by her offended screech, Kushina sees it too.

Both Minatos bolt, the redhead in close pursuit. Ine leans around the counter to watch them go, and only just refrains from shaking her head.

 _Well_ , she thinks with an internal sigh, offering up a friendly smile when the very pretty Inuzuka clan matriarch walks in. _At least this mission won't be boring._

Inuzuka Tsume smiles back, and offers a wink as she calls her order back to Teuchi. Ine grins.

 _Make that_ very much _not boring. This might even be fun._


End file.
